It’s a great factor that Australia is all the best way on the opposite facet of the planet as a result of my worst nightmare is by some means getting combined up within the World Bare Bike Journey:
The World Bare Bike Journey combines the 2 issues I consider folks shouldn’t flaunt publicly: their exuberance, and their genitals. Certain, there’s a time and a spot for each, however I shouldn’t must take care of both of them on my technique to work. Nonetheless, some folks really feel fairly otherwise, they usually relish being surrounded by a bunch fellow riders whose ass cheeks are indistinguishable from their saddlebags:
The thought of World Bare Bike Journey members attempting vigorously and vainly to wipe issues off of one another’s faces and different physique elements is now going to hang-out my desires.
In fact, that is Australia, so whereas the members gained’t be carrying garments, they are going to be carrying helmets:
It appears to me when you actually wished to make some extent about liberating cyclists from the tyranny of fossil fuels and the motorized vehicle industrial advanced you’d have a World Helmetless Bike Journey. It doesn’t even make sense from a security perspective, as a result of when you’re going to fall off your bike, which might you reasonably be carrying: a helmet, or pants? “Certain, I’ve bought a saddle sore the scale of a cantaloupe on my scranus and highway rash alongside your entire size of my penis, however thank goodness I used to be carrying a helmet!” However I suppose folks in Australia are so deeply conditioned that they will experience round bare and in helmets with out experiencing any cognitive dissonance.
And talking of saddle sores, why drag the poor harmless bicycle into this disgusting mess, anyway? Wouldn’t the best automobile for driving bare be an e-scooter?
I’m not an enormous fan of them myself, however objectively talking there’s actually no higher contraption for bare driving, because you get most visibility and minimal crotchal chafing, to not point out glorious airflow round and thru your undercarriage.
However after all the World Bare Bike Journey isn’t about sensible concerns, it’s about “desexualizing the human physique:”
Hey, how’s that understanding for you, Australia?
And don’t overlook an important consideration in any respect–the local weather!
The conspiracy ought to be apparent to anybody who’s learn the most recent Trek Sustainability Report:
Do you know they’re portray their bikes with natural supplies now?
Their brand is even constituted of “biomass waste:”
Right here’s what biomass waste means:
World Bare Bike Journey? Physique paint? Paint constituted of biomass waste?!?
ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION NOW???
That’s proper, inside 5 years the biking business goes to eliminate clothes altogether. As a substitute, you’ll experience bare, they usually’ll promote you a can of manure and sewage sludge to color your self with earlier than the massive experience. Possibly it’ll even include an entire banana peel you should utilize as a chamois.
However let’s not lose sight of the truth that the largest supply of Trek’s emissions isn’t the paint, or the clothes, and even the helmets. It’s the bicycles themselves:
Appears fairly clear to me that Trek ought to cease making bikes.